Hello sou
Thank you for talking with us.
This is my answer to your home work.
There is not speial thing about the street on wich I live.
I have lived there for more than ten years, but the nighborhood is still strange.
Since big houses changed in to apartments it seem that my street has become a stranger to me.
There are many parks on my street , the scent of wet grass in the morning of spring in the middle of noisy cars is very pleasant.
Niloofar
2 comments:
Sue said...
My dear Niloofar,
As a stranger to your city, your paragraph about your street gives me some idea about Tehran, and yet I wish I knew more. The sentence about the smell of the grass was very nice, but I am still curious as to why your neighborhood is strange to you after ten years, and "strangely", you did not mention the people who live there. That would have made it more personal. I was very pleased that you used different sentence structures: simple, compound, complex, and you have written an interesting paragraph.
1. Watch articles a, an and the. In other words, " not a special thing" or "no special things...these are better ways of saying it.
Also, watch your spelling: Sue, special, which.
2. "the neighborhood is still strange" makes it sound strange and weird to everyone. Better to say "the neighborhood is still strange to me." This clarifies it for the reader.
3. Sentence 3: watch verb forms: "since big houses have changed into apartments."
4. The last sentence is a compound sentence which needs a conjunction. "and" would be good between the two independent clauses of the sentence.
5. I would like for you to write this over, making the changes I suggested and trying to make it more personal. By the end of the paragraph I should be able to see your street, hear your street and feel your street and smell the smells of your street all from your point of view. Use the senses in your writing. You have a good beginning here. Expand it. Your paragraph would add a lot to what I am writing now about the common people of Iran. Tell me more!
Points - 3. Please do this again and you will earn more points.
In friendship, Sue
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