Dear Sue,
I wrote my essay about English, it is a little long. I didn't know how I had to start each paragraph. Please explain to me.
"I learn English for different reasons. One of them is when I want to learn new things like lessons, scientific subjects, software, games and other things I need to English because most of time a English version of them is available.
Other reason is my course, computer. These days a good engineer must know English very well.
The last reason is I want to know about other cultures and other people beliefs who lives in other countries and most of them know English. Now, I want to talk about my reasons.
First reason, all the time when I search a subject, I find a lot of valid source in English or when I buy a new sophisticated device, it has a English menu or a catalog in English. So I thought learning English can help me. It caused me to think about learning English.
Second reason, I have started to learn English since I was in high school. I studied it just for entrance exam and my activities in English limited to memorizing words. After that I went to university. All sources of lessons and powerpoint slides were in English and I had to study them. This need forced me to study English seriously. It was only a compulsion and I didn't enjoy of learning English.
Third reason, tow years after I went to university, I got acquainted with Mr. T. He is a wonderful English teacher. He talks about English and literature with love and uses modern methods to teach and dose not limit us to a lesson book. He teaches books like Masnavi and allows us to communicate with wonderful writers in the US, like Sue Mattews Petrovski.
After acquaintance with Sue, I interested to her personality and my view changed. I knew when we talk about love and human values, it is not important what is your religious or what is your nationality. All of us Say one thing. It was one of things that I understood by English.
I have learned a lot of things from Sue and Mr. T and they are tow of influential persons in my life.
As you saw, I study English because it is a world language and I can talk to great persons like Sue in the world. I enjoy English now.
Faranak."
2 comments:
Hi Faranak,
Thank you for sending the essay. Will you bring a printed copy to class with you next time? Please leave wider space between the lines for our comments and suggestions.
T
Hi Faranak, This is very long, but... I just told my husband what a joy it is to be able to feel helpful to young people like you and all of Mr. T's students. It makes me so glad to know you are enjoying your learning.
Let me review your essay.
1. Your organization is very good. But let me show you a few tricks to writing a good essay.
a. Try to expand your vocabulary. It is easy to begin repeating the same words over in an essay, and we need to keep it interesting. This will improve as your English improves. If
The first paragraph should state your points but be very general and thought-provoking.
I were to write the first paragraph I might write something like this:
{Sometimes in the middle of the night I awaken and wonder, "Why am I bothering to study English." It's difficult, sometimes boring and often frustrating. I have other things to do! But then, I turn over in bed and remind myself that so much technical information, and interesting games and processes are in English. Another reason is that I can do more on the computer, my major field, if I can understand English, but, perhaps the most profound reason is that it opens up a pathway to other cultures and different ways of thinking.}
Do you see how the first paragraph acts as an introduction to more precise description in the next paragraphs?
2. Try to go into more detail in paragraphs 2,3 and 4. At least 3 sentences in each paragraph.
3. Your conclusion: in a formal essay you need to restate your thesis or main ideas. However, try not to be too repetitious. I might write something like this.
"So you can see how my life is completely changed by the English Language. I can play games, learn scientific facts, develop my computer skills and still be making friends all over the world. If one has only one language, you can do little outside your own environment. English makes me feel World- Centered."
Grammer and Usage: Watch that you don't forget articles a, an and the.
Watch spelling: two and does
Study your prepositions: of, about
Watch verb tenses. If you speak in the present, do so throughout your essay.
Choice of words: Sometimes it is difficult to find just the right word. I have the same problem and English is my first language! Howe ver, I can see that you are using your dictionary and trying to use a wide vocabulary. Paragraph 4 is very well written.
Farank, I am proud to think I have had a small part in seeing your English improve so much. The next thing, after you review and correct this essay with Mr. T. is to write a report. It is different in some ways than an essay, but necessary to learn in a scientific field such as yours. I would like to see you rework this essay with Mr T and let me see it again. Then we will go on to writing a report. Points? You and Mr. T discuss this and come up with a good system, if you will. How many points should a student get for Essays or Reports? How many points for Worksheets? Let me know what you two decide.
Your friend, Sue
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